I’m noticing a new breed of narcissist lately. Perhaps they aren’t new but they’ve recently become quite prominent in my awareness. I’m sure you’ve encountered them too but they may have slid past you as you stood there in a state of confusion and disbelief over what you were just told or maybe even what you’ve just read in a message or on your very own Facebook. These “Spiritual Narcissists” are the ones that insult you or put you down and then polish it off with “love and light.” They use their spiritual beliefs to invalidate your feelings, telling you things to undermine your own personal experiences by throwing things back at you in statements such as, “But everyone is just a reflection of you” or “You did this to yourself” in situations where it’s just uncalled for. I will give you an example. I often post about narcissists and, in response, I’ve read statements like “Narcissists don’t exist because we are all one” or “There are no victims because you planned all of this before you incarnated here.” Look, I’ve done all the healing and analyzing and rehashing a person can do in this aspect – this is my niche, along with my passion and purpose! Of course I’m going to view all of this from every angle possible – that’s what an open-minded person that walks the healing path does – and this is what I’ve come up with. These people are narcissists themselves. They just use spirituality as a disguise for their attack. Their statements are not helpful. Furthermore, I KNOW my clients and my followers and I KNOW that they have spent massive amounts of time and energy already BLAMING themselves and trying everything possible to attempt to make the narcissists in their lives happy. I KNOW they’ve already told themselves hundreds of times that the problem may actually be them, in these relationships. They don’t need anyone throwing things like this at them because they’ve beat themselves up enough! And to tell ANYONE that has suffered the wrath of a narcissist, that narcissists don’t exist and that these people are a reflection of them is completely ridiculous! Would they tell someone that’s been raped that rapists don’t exist or to those that have been molested that molesters don’t exist and that these people are a reflection of them? While I can agree that we have chosen our paths before we were born and that people are our mirrors, I don’t really feel that that is always beneficial to one’s healing to know, especially when we’re dealing with abuse and trauma. Experiencers (I don’t like the word “victim” so I chose experiencers instead) have to heal themselves enough to get to a level where that kind of information can be better accepted and integrated. Acceptance is part of the healing process – believe me, I know! And as someone that has recovered from abuse, I know that we are faced with all sorts of painful truths in this process that we need to accept if we are to heal and move on. Some of these truths take more time to swallow than others. It isn’t right to make others feel bad or feel like something is wrong with them if they aren’t on that level. That really isn’t coming from a loving place. While it is empowering to accept that we are and always have been ultimately in charge of our destiny, no one wants to hear that at a time of real grief and heartache.
These abusers are not necessarily our mirror in that we are like them. Let’s be honest here, some of them are really not right in the head and I know people that have suffered from unthinkable things all while being in the hands of someone that is supposed to love and protect them. Most of us have sat around asking ourselves how in the world anyone could do some of the things that have been done to us. The truth here is that these abusers are our teachers. They are here to show us all the power we give away freely. They are here to teach us that we can heal from past trauma and that we have the ability to change our reality. You can go from survivor to thriver – and this is usually the purpose the abuse serves in the first place – this is a whole topic in itself! My point is that none of that makes the abuse okay. Abuse should never be acceptable – I don’t care how spiritual you are! Yes in the grand scheme of things our abusers are very important to us awakening to our soul purpose and reaching our highest potential, but that doesn’t mean that you are to accept or condone it! And anyone that lacks empathy in these situations is no different than the people who have been abusive to us in the past. They are just a necessary part of empowering ourselves on a whole new level. That’s all.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you know is right. Don’t allow someone to be abusive towards you just because they are throwing around some spiritual mumbo jumbo at you in an effort to make themselves seem more advanced or to feel better about themselves. At their core, they are lacking compassion and empathy. You can tell. They’re not really promoting healing and forgiveness but instead are finding another avenue to project their own insecurities onto others. Learn to read the energy behind the intent of others, but learn it from a place of Love and not Fear. More importantly, trust the information that comes to you. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like shit. Period.